Nor Did I Will it So

Awakened in cold sweat
screaming
at the sky.

I looked in the mirror
again
asking myself why.

 
Too cold to touch
but
too hot to handle 
is always the deal.

Lost in memory
because
in the present moment
I kill.

 
I thought
I had swagger
but
felt too stupid
to go with it.

I saw
the dagger
and 
held open my arms
to end this shit.

 
It missed.

I'm pissed.
 

Daylight
that scorches
the sky
sends me into sleep.
 
Moonlight
that comes
traps
and I'm falling in too deep.

 
The magic
in her eyes
burned every waking thought
I once had.
 
Passing moments
break apart the living
proving
I am mad.

 
If you only knew
the depth
of poison
that my soul drowns in.
 
Then you would 
go away too
leaving me
to die in my own sin.
 

My path,
not created
by my own hands
nor did I will it so.
 
Those
selfish ones
birthed hatred 
unable to let it go.
 

My prison, 
my cage,
started in the womb.

My liberty,
my freedom,
only found in my tomb.