Thursday, June 15, 2017

Living Proof

While incarcerated I
realized that it
didn't matter if I
ever actually prayed.

Just as I put my foot
in my mouth I began
to understand that
we couldn't have stayed.

When I tried to find
the right person
I found out that
they didn't exist.

Someone told me
that if I committed
suicide I probably
wouldn't be missed.

I was perplexed because
it wasn't all that
she said it would be
between the sheets.

With her I am constantly
oppressed to not have a
home while staying alive
in these streets.

It's still hard to
swallow that there's
no justice for
us righteous of men.

It's sad that I am
living proof that
evil is what
wins in the end.


My Destination


Don't change the
subject each time
you ask me
a question.

I'll be Goddamned
if anyone thinks I'm
paying for some bitch's
psych session.

They've all fallen
and become a victim
since I last decided
to come around.

I was told that when
a syringe with witch's
brew was handed out
they were all spellbound.

There wasn't a chance
that I would get to
go down on her even
though I tried.

I chose not to advance
yet still, when I have
talked about it for some
reason I lied.

It's all come full
circle now and no
one really knows how
it will play out.

My damnation is
certain and hell is
my final destination
beyond any doubt.


Glimpse of Relief


Why can't you realize
that I know you are
there and you can't
read my gift?

When did I do something
to deserve this evil that
you put in me and keep
on torturing me with?

When everyone involved
becomes lab rats too
I wonder what you'll do
and how you'll feel.

Thanks to too many
drugs I made my mind
unbreakable and
solid as steel.

I lived through your
brainwashing and your
attempt to reprogram
my system of belief.

Now it's only when I'm
high as fuck or busting
a nut that I feel a
glimpse of relief.

The constant puppetry
of everything around
would drive most
humans insane.

I have only endured
it much better than
others because my life's
been nothing but pain.


Freak on Exhibit


As soon as
I arrived I
knew that I
had fucked up again.

I'm not sure
that I'll ever
be shown mercy
or allowed to win.

Not only am I a
loser but it
seems my faith
is no more.

I'm lost in a sea
of doubt and I'm
still unwanted
as a whore.

My trials and
tribulations have
left me defeated
and in disarray.

I'm the outcast, the
freak on exhibit
to everyone's
disregard and dismay

I thought I was
special and there
was more to my
life than this.

Now I am resolute
in being a mistake
that no one will
ever miss.

I'm bound to stay in this life
while I'm on earth so that
I can endure torture
and not be free.

I only find comfort in the
the fact that God's vengeance
will one day torture
those that tortured me.


Despite my Efforts


Straightening out
the psychiatric
chaos left
me devastated.

Believing in goodness
prevailing was a
mistake and it
left me irritated.

I thought there
was a point to
me showing up
but it seems I
was mistaken.

I wonder why
your public
displays are
always to make
me look taken.

Abrasive gestures
were made by the
ones who showed up
to take it all away.

This reminiscing
has brought up
a conversation with
nothing left to say.

You only want to
make love to me
every time you
are totally spun.

All the things
you do to hold us
together are
causing us to
come undone.


Too Difficult to Face


How bittersweet
it was losing
you as a friend.

How bittersweet
it was that our
love had to end.

Our addictions
were horrible but
something we had
to go through.

For our transgressions
we prayed for
forgiveness, it's
what we had to do.

I can't believe
you called me
family but used
me like a slave.

After a long time
coming it was you
that couldn't seem
to try and behave.

We have already
pieced us back
together, over
and over we tried.

It's too difficult
to face that everything
between us has
finally died.

To save my
sanity, I know
what it is I
have to do.

I'm facing
my fears and
finally saying
goodbye to you.


No Belief


A dead nightmare
arose from the grave
your evil heart
buried me in.

The loaded chamber
held the round that
gave you assurance
that you'd win.

Looking past the
smoky mirror I tried
to see what you
were underneath.

Terrified with the
knowing of how empty
you are while
holding no belief.

I have felt enough
pain to never believe
I am wanted
or desired.

I can't pick myself
up off the floor
or do anything
cause I'm tired.


Find A Home


It made me insecure
and jealous when
she looked
into my eyes.

Her desire for my
attention is what
caught me
by surprise.

I've never been
treated special
or wanted
by anyone.

Every relationship
I've known I
have watched
come undone.

I'm trying to find
peace so that I can
bury the violence
I am capable of.

I keep searching for
someone to choose me
for that special
gift of love.

My Angel and I are
keeping the faith
that we'll find a
home some day.

A someone to love
us because home is
where your heart
is they say.


Until the End


They told me that I
was emotionally
malnourished when
I was young.

I now find
myself digging
to find a
song not sung.

Made to shut-up
and obey when
it was time
for count.

I keep having
thoughts of you
naked that I want
to mount.

I hit the main
line running
so I wouldn't be
doing hard time.

I jumped into
the vampires den
without any
reason or rhyme.

It was naive
of me to think
I'd be worthy of
having a friend.

A righteous effort
that fell apart
leaving me lonely
until the end.


Nothing but Misery


You never feel
complete when you
factor in your
actual loss.

I tried to mettle
with it causing
me to break even
on the cost.

Someone tried to
give me a bit of
truth within a tale
I couldn't follow.

Your excuses
were quite good
but still something
I couldn't swallow.

A lie in
real time brought
back nothing
but misery.

That move against
it completed
my heart
broken memory.

I was left alone
again to be
devoured by the
high volume
of silence.

A dreadful journey
down a trail
that lead to
my rebellion
and defiance.

I just hope
that in the end the
truth shall become
what's known.

I keep needing
to change something
or I'll always
be cold and alone.



A Cruel Joke


I'm standing at a profound
moment of change that
speaks of betrayal
and sadness.

I've pushed it to my
breaking point while
becoming immersed in
total madness.

I drew upon the hope
that people could
be righteous
and kind.

Watching that demonic
face fuels the anger
that's causing me to
lose my mind.

How you could love me
was such a cruel joke
to play since you knew
it wasn't true.

Still, I gave you my
trust and you kept on
beating it until it was
black and blue.

My nerves are no
longer able to
register on the
touch test.

Reaching for a niche
that sells so I
can actually do
my best.

Finality won't ever
bring a true
resolution but
at least it
will be done.

I keep on passing
that point of
no return and
it's evident
that evil has won.



Monday, January 23, 2017

It's Meant To Be


I didn't have
any recipe to make
this life taste
more bitter than hell.

Every time they
ask about the you
who was, I simply
say "all is well".

Taking steps are
a lot easier when
I'm higher than shit.

I keep trying to force
intercourse in hopes
that it'll get me
over it.

Trying to breathe
one moment and
breathing fire the
next is exhausting me.

All this time and
money on drugs and
sex has become unworthy
of what it's meant to be.

I will justify
your hateful and
hurtful actions as
something I
deserve to endure.

I'm holding on with
all I can but
without passion I
can't say if I'll
make it for sure.

Sunday, January 22, 2017

Love without Hate


You set the
pace and I'll
follow along.

You play the
tune and I'll
sing the song.

I know there's a
way to love
without hate.

Just let go
of the past
because we
can't wait.

Tomorrow is tomorrow,
we will face it when
it's here.

Today, let me complete
you and remove
all your fear.

It's in this moment
where we can
be free.

I just need you
to go blind so
that you can see.

It's your imperfections
that make you
perfect, I know
it sounds strange.

I love you just
the way you
are and there's
nothing about you
I'd change.